Do you ever have days where you look in the mirror and think: "Nothing I'm doing is working, why am I not shrinking"? I will pause here for a minute and say, as Jess has taught me, "shrink" is not the term we want to use. Reality is many of us are using this term, and we see it everywhere in the media. Perhaps the first step toward change is to reshape our minds in how we describe ourselves. I had two days this past week - okay, maybe three - where I've looked in the mirror and felt like my getting smaller was not happening fast enough. At Wednesday night's workout I literally grabbed my blubber and said, "look at this Jess, it's not going anywhere". Jess gave me a look like I've just lost my mind. She then asked: "Where is all this self-deprecation coming from? Why the sudden urge for such negative comments?" So I thought about this as I was making dinner. And I don't have the exact answer as I need more time to reflect on this, but I do know that it is mostly because I put a lot of pressure on myself. I expect a lot out of this in such a short period of time. This is unrealistic, I know. This is why I battle with thoughts like this so often. Some days I'm feeling great and optimistic, other days I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Jess explained I needed to not obsess and to realize I'm changing my body chemistry, and you can't mess with science. We're working on speeding up my metabolism (that word used to haunt me for so long, I used to blame my genes for my "slow" metabolism, little did I know it was my lack of activity). I like that these are all steps towards a long term change, and I've acknowledged that I need to remove any triggers that might add pressure.

The wedding dress is a trigger I cannot remove completely, however I can remind myself of the change I've made so far by looking at the two photos of myself in the dress from the two times I've tried it on (4 months apart).

Countdown continues: 107 days!

Jess says: First of all, blubber is something that exists on marine creatures. So, yes, re-phrasing is necessary. As I've said before, you can't just dismiss a chunk of the body. You have to change the metabolic system to burn fat more efficiently. You have to focus on moving forward. And the impatience to suddenly be "perfect" is a very dangerous one, because there is no end date - not even the wedding day. You will be working as your body's manager for your whole life. Yes, you will be waking up more mornings feeling happy and fit, and then be working to maintain it - and I do understand the frustration of being "in transition." But the fact is, that you just have to find a way to keep your head above it all. To shelf your impatience, to remain wise, to reflect on your positive gains (or losses, when it comes to fat), and to remain optimistic and look forward to feeling lighter and healthier. We are pushing your body hard. Now it is time for you to work a little bit harder with your brain. Don't give in to these comments, just as you won't give in to poutine and cupcakes because you know they are bad for you and are keeping you further from the life that you want. We continue with the healthy habits, physically, and now your number one goal is to take care of this mental side of things. GO. :)